Where to Start?

Where do you start when you know something is wrong but have no idea how to fix it?  That was my dilemma several years ago.  I knew that there was something wrong at school with my kids.  I spoke with the teachers, the principal, even the board trustee.  I couldn't get any answers or even hints of a solution.  The problems were numerous - bullying issues, boredom, inappropriate material, awareness on my part that my children could be doing so much more.  I eventually realized that the problem was not so much the individual issues but the shape and size of the box that they were in.  Sometimes no matter how we try we can't fix a problem when the problem is an inherent part of the situation.  To be put bluntly, the problem did not lie with the teachers, the principal, or the board.  The problem was the system itself.  There was a basic disconnect between how I viewed a good education and they did.

So, when the box doesn't fit, it is time to look outside the box.  We hear this expression used all the time and, on some level, we understand what it means but, in another way, we often don't really go outside the box, we just look at the box from another angle.  Because what is truly outside the box is the unknown and that is scary.  I went outside the box to get my children the education that I wanted for them.  I went way outside the box.  It was hard; it took work; it was filled with uncertainty.  But I discovered something along the way.  Because my goal was always to have them educated in a way so that they could make responsible decisions and learn to love learning for its own sake.  Because we always strove to open as many doors to their futures as possible.  Because we always stay involved with their learning and growing,outside the box was just fine.

Every day I hear parents complaining about children being bored, teenagers hating school, a week spent watching movies.  How serious are these failures of our education system?  That is a decision to be made by each parent.  But let me ask you this: if the box they are in is not working, why are they still in the box?  Most importantly, why are they still in the box that failed you as a student?  The most common line that I hear when giving people a tour of Mississippi School for the Arts is "Where were you when I was going to high school?"  If this is the kind of school that you would have like to have attended, then why shouldn't it be a school for your children?

But even if we are willing to take ourselves into the unknown, we are very hesitant to risk our children.  But we need to.  If we don't then they will also live to regret that they did not have the opportunity to really learn what education could be like.  As Einstein said and is oft repeated, "The surest sign of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result."

A Bit of Silliness (Is Good for the Soul)

Cody and Jody

Cody and Jody live in a magical house

Not quite like any other place

With toys all around

Six feet deep on the ground

And not one inch of spare space.

Their mother just stands there

Shakes her head at the mess

"Wasn't me," insists Cody.

"Wasn't me," insists Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Jody and Cody have a miraculous place

Where the books leap down from the shelves

They fall and they scatter

Like any old matter

And they do it all by themselves.

Their father just stands there

Shakes his head at the mess

"Wasn't me," giggles Cody.

"Wasn't me," giggles Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Cody and Jody have a peculiar spot

Where the trucks move all on their own

Roaring and crashing

Leaping and smashing

In a ear-crashing demolition zone.

Their grandmother just stands there

Shakes her head at the mess

"Wasn't me," shrieks Cody.

"Wasn't me," shrieks Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Jody and Cody have a mysterious room

Where the clothes are fast disappearing

The pants on the stairs

Where's the underwear?

In the kitchen it just keeps appearing.

Their grandfather just stands there

Shakes his head at the mess

"Wasn't me," whispers Cody.

"Wasn't me," whispers Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Cody and Jody live in an unusual land

Where the sheets are ajumble all day

Beds made in the morning

In a sudden, without warning

Bunch and scrunch up any old way.

Their parents just stand there

Shake their heads at the mess

"Wasn't me," laughs Cody.

"Wasn't me," laughs Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Jody and Cody live in a wonderful house

Not like anywhere else in the world

While everyone's sleeping

"Wasn't Me" is a-sweeping

A-cleaning, a-sorting all unheard.

The grown-ups just stand there

Smile their smiles at no mess

"A new day," smiles Cody.

"Let's go play," smiles Jody.

Who'll clean up the mess? Can you guess?

Copyright 2001 S.L. Holzscherer

 

Ah, to have ADHD

I wish that I had boundless energy. I wish I had more hours in the day, didn't waste eight of them sleeping; four would be enough. I wish I could hyperfocus on my goal and not be constantly sidetracked with distractions. I wish that fear wouldn't keep me from expanding, from trying new things, from leaving my comfort zone. I wish I could be more impulsive and not think everything to death before acting, which usually consequently never happens - the acting, I mean.

Let's see: boundless energy, need little sleep, hyperfocus on my passions, fearless, impulsive. Wait a minute! I wish I had ADHD!!! But isn't that a learning disability? Isn't it a "terrible" thing to have? Isn't it a curse? Why? And I ask again, why?

The only negative thing about people with ADHD is that as children they don't make good students. They don't sit quietly while being lectured. They don't demonstrate real, or feigned, interest in what they are being taught in school. They can't stop reacting, physically and verbally, constantly to what they experience. They want to grab life by the handful and not wait patiently while it is doled out in lesson plans.

And before you lecture me on how I know little about ADHD, let me remind you that I am a high school teacher and principal and have been for many years. I have spent hours, days, and years of joy with these so called "disabled" children. They are truly amazing. The key is to work with them. To find, as with any child, their strengths and to help them work on their weaknesses. Do they talk too much and not listen? Show them the value of listening. Help them see when their talking is interesting to others and when it is just babbling. Is their impulsivity dangerous to themselves or to others? Teach them how to judge actions and consequences. Teach them responsibility. Guide them. Nurture them. As we should do with all the children under our care. But don't suppress those very assets that will make them successful in life. Boundless energy, need little sleep, hyperfocus on their passions, fearless and impulsive.

Our future leaders in politics, entertainment, business, and social advancement will have ADHD.

If our school system doesn't destroy them first.

Willow - A Fairytale

Willow

By Sharon Holzscherer

Once upon a time there lived a woodcutter who had five sons. They worked hard with their father and he was pleased with them. Then a beautiful daughter was born. Her mother named her Willow for the large tree outside the window. Soon after the mother took ill and died. The woodcutter did not know what to do with the little girl. He only knew how to teach his sons to help him.

"Everybody in this house needs to earn their keep," he would say each evening when he returned from working in the woods.

And so Willow soon joined her big brothers in the woods, helping their father to gather the sticks and logs. She never seemed to have gathered much by the time dusk was falling and they headed home. Her brothers would proudly show the large piles of wood they had collected for their father. He would smile warmly at them and give them a nice hunk of bread. Then he would look at the small, untidy pile of little Willow and frown in disapproval. All she ever got was a dried crust.

"Little Will! Little Will!" her brothers would taunt. "Can't even find the trees."

"She's always feeding the squirrels," one would yell.

"She's always talking with the birds," another would sing.

"Little Will is useless," they all cried. "She is nothing but a burden."

"What am I to do?" sighed the father.

And so the next day Willow would vow to herself that she would gather more wood than her brothers and she would set to work willingly. But soon the squirrels would be calling her to help them gather acorns and she would drop her sticks and chase them scampering through the woods. The swallows would proudly show her their new babies. The squirrels would have her check out their hiding places full of nuts and acorns. The gophers would dig tunnels and pop up just where she sat down. All day long she would talk with the animals and learn their secrets, but them dusk would come and she would trail sadly home, knowing that her pile was no bigger than the previous day.

Soon the five brothers grew bigger and stronger and their father did not have to work as hard. They would say, "Father, stay home a while and rest your weary limbs. We will gather all the wood for you."

And the father would smile with pride and perhaps stay home for a while. Then he would see Willow running like a deer through the woods, having already become separated from her brothers, and he would sigh, "That girl is nothing but a burden."

One evening when Willow was almost a woman he called her to him. "Little Will," he said. "Your brothers work hard every day while you play your foolish games. You are a burden to them and to me. It is time that you left. Yesterday I met a man in the forest. He is looking for a wife. He is an older man with six children. He will be coming by tomorrow to take you. Perhaps you will not be a burden to him."

That night Willow waited until her father and brothers had settled quietly in ther beds. She listened to their even snoring and then crept quietly to the door and sneaked out. She was dressed in the ragged pants and shirt that her brothers had thrown out. She pushed her long hair up under her cap and took the thin blanket from her bed to wrap around her shoulders to protect her from the winter's chill. She walked quickly out into the night forest. Even being eaten by wolves was preferable to the fate her father had chosen for her.

For the whole night and the next day she walked. The birds sang to her and the other animals kept her company. It was a relief not to have to think about her father's anger and disappointment. The next evening as dusk was falling she spied a castle. The day was turning cold and snow was gently falling. She hoped to find a warm place to spend the night. The gates were tightly sealed and no one answered when she pounded on the door. Perhaps the castle was deserted. Just as she was about to leave, a small door opened in the side of the gate. An old woman came out with a basket for gathering twigs.

"Excuse me, old mother," Willow said politely. "Is there some place that I might sleep tonight?"

The old woman looked at her in horror. "Young man, you do not want to sleep here tonight. Go away! Go far away!"

"Why?" asked Willow. She thought it might be better not to let the old lady know that she was a girl. "I just want a corner in the barn or some place like that."

"There is an evil sorceress who comes each night and steals the young men from our town. There are so few left now. The king has barricaded the palace so that his son, the prince, might be safe. But it is no good. The king will see. She can get through the strongest gate."

"Old mother," Willow replied. "Take me to your king. I will help him."

Fearfully the old woman led Willow inside the gate and up to the king's chamber.

Willow knelt before the haggard, old king. "Sire, I will sleep at the door of your son's chamber tonight. He will be safe."

The old king shook his head. " You do not know what you are saying, young man. The sorceress will take you, and you will be lost."

"I would like to do this, sire. I am one of six brave brothers and we have been rulers in the forest for many years." Willow did not think this exaggeration would hurt.

The sorceress could not torment her more than her brothers and perhaps this way she could be useful. "Show me his chamber and he will sleep well tonight, my lord."

Reluctantly the king had his servants show Willow to the prince's chambers.

When the prince saw her he asked, "Who is this little fellow?"

Willow looked at his fair face haloed by his hair and was speechless. He was as tall as her brothers, but they were like rough rocks compared to the shining gold of the prince.

"Well, speak up, my young man," the prince asked kindly. "What do they call you? How can I help you?"

Willow found her voice. "It is I who will help you, sir. They call me Will and I will sleep at the door of your chamber tonight."

He looked at her curiously. "Do you know what that means?" he asked. "You will be taken by the sorceress. Are you very foolish or very brave?"

"I am your servant," she muttered. Quickly she pulled the door closed and sat herself on the floor outside. She pulled her blanket around herself and fell asleep.

She awoke as a cold wind pulled at her blanket. Opening her eyes she saw a tall, white woman standing before her. She found herself standing and following the sorceress with no will of her own. The guards were standing at their posts in a trance as they walked out the gates and into the forest. Soon they came to a beautiful clearing surrounded by tall bending willow trees. The sorceress turned to Willow and said, "There are three tasks that you must do for me or you will be turned into a willow tree like these others - to spend your life bowing to me in the wind."

Willow looked the sorceress in the eye. "Tell me the three tasks and I shall do them."

The witch laughed. "You are a cocky one. Very well. The first task is to make me a necklace of jewels from the ground. I will return in one hour." With that the sorceress went into her bower in the midst of the willow grove.

Willow went into the forest and softly called to the squirrels. "Come, my little friends. I need your help."

Soon they were scampering through the trees to gather around her. She explained what she needed. "I would like to have your biggest and shiniest acorns for a necklace for the witch or I will be turned into a tree." The squirrels quickly raced to their winter caches and brought back the nicest acorns that they had. Carefully Willow strung them together with a strong vine until she had a beautiful necklace. When the sorceress returned she handed her the necklace.

"What is this?" the witch cried. "These are not jewels!"

"They are jewels of the ground," Willow replied. "I have completed my task as asked. What is the second task?"

The sorceress grumbled, but it did not matter. This youth would never complete the other two tasks. "The second task is to bring me the gray fur of the summer fox for my stole." She looked at the forest ground covered with snow and smiled evilly. "You have one hour."

When she had again returned to her bower, Willow called to the swallows. "Please bring me your prettiest down from your nests or I will be turned into a tree." Quickly the birds flew to their nests and returned with the down that had come off their nestlings. It was soft and gray and quickly Willow wove it together into a beautiful soft gray stole.

The witch was outraged when she saw the lovely stole. "You are a crafty one, young man," she said. "But you will not be able to do the last task. You are too small and frail. In the clearing there is a large rock. It stands taller than I do. I would like you to take it away. I wish to have a smooth clearing there. You have one hour."

This time Willow summoned the gophers. "Please, dear friends, dig as strong as you can beneath this rock or I will be turned into a tree."

Many gophers started digging strongly. Soon the earth beneath the rock was cleared and the rock sank into the large hole. Willow smoothed the ground over the rock until there was a smooth clearing. The witch returned and looked at the clear ground in horror. "You are a sorcerer!" she screamed. "The curse said I would be destroyed by one of my own kind!"

Willow straightened up and loosed her hair from her cap. "I am not a sorcerer. I am a woman."

The sorceress screamed as her legs grew into the ground and turned into a twisted trunk. Her arms became branches and her hair turned into leaves. At last only a crooked hawthorn tree stood in the middle of the clearing. Then the willows started to tremble and gradually turned back into the young men of the kingdom. They looked at Willow in awe.

"You have saved us," they cried. "You are indeed a worthy lady."

Willow let the men escort her back to the castle. The old woman met them at the gate with tears of joy on her cheeks. When the young men told her of their rescue she took Willow up to a chamber and dressed her in precious clothes of silk. She brushed her long hair and then took her to be presented to the king.

The old king and his son were joyously greeting their returned subjects when Willow entered. The prince looked at her in surprise. Everyone fell quiet to behold the beautiful girl in their midst. The prince walked up to her. "What do they call you? How may I help you?"

She smiled at him. "They used to call me Will, sir. But my mother called me Willow."

He recognized with surprise the gentle youth who had guarded his door and saved his kingdom. "Welcome to my home, Princess Willow," he said. Then he turned to present her to the king.

The king asked her what she wanted in exchange for saving the kingdom. "Anything you want shall be yours."

Willow thought but she had no wishes. Her father and brothers were well enough left in the forest. She had become a woman and proved her worth. "I am looking for a warm place to spend the night, sire." She smiled serenely.

THE END

 1996 by Sharon Holzscherer

Bullied who become bullies

Today on the news was a report that obese teenagers are not only more likely to be bullied (no surprise) but also more likely to bully.  In my experience, the victim can often become the bully in a different situation.  Understandable if they only know what they experience.  (Just as abused children can turn into abusers.)  If we follow the common logic which says that bullies come from neglectful parents then you can see the problem that we will run into.  One year they are parents of a victim - innocent good parents whose child is being tormented.  The next they are parents of a tyrant - negligent, brutal parents who have taught their child viciousness.  Not possible, people!  Bullies are bullies for many different reasons.  It is time to stop blaming the parents.  In fact, it is time to stop blaming the bullies.  It is time to look at the environment that allows this to happen.  And before you leap on me that I am blaming schools and once again allowing individuals to not take responsibility for their actions, let me clarify.

The environment that I am speaking about is not school.  It is not the home.  It is a society which does not make everyone responsible for his or her own actions.  The bully is responsible for what he or she says or does.  So is every other child in the playground or class.  So is every person in that office.  You are equally responsible if you stand by and do nothing.  Inaction is an action.  It is a decision.  It is your responsibility.  We all - bullies, bullied, and bystanders (to borrow a phrase from Barbara Coloroso) - need to create an environment that does not allow bullying to happen.  Just like drinking and driving and smoking have become socially unacceptable, bullying must become that.  People must stop looking the other way or searching for someone to blame.  When you have a disease, cure the disease, then look for the cause.

New legislation calls for counseling for bullies and the bullied - a good start.  It also calls for expulsion - a poor solution since it amputates the disease without regard for the child who is diseased.  Always remember that bullies are children, too.  The fourth part is that schools must support activities which promote understanding and acceptance of all.  This is also good.  But I strongly feel that they have missed the key ingredient in controlling bullying.  We must take ownership of the problem, whether it occurs in school, home, or work.  We must acknowledge it and accept that we each have a role to play.  If all the children report bullying as they would report a child with a knife, then bullying will be reduced.  We need to clarify, as a society, the difference between tattling and reporting a dangerous situation.  Bullying is dangerous and destructive, in some ways more dangerous and destructive than a weapon.  It is not hidden.  All the children and most of the staff are very aware of what bullying is happening. 

Bullying is being discussed in general term in schools around the country.  I suggest we take it to the next step.  Within the confines of each class, bullying needs to be addressed specifically when it occurs.  You are not violating anyone's privacy - the children already know what has happened.  Discuss the incident and come up with a solution that meets the needs of every child in that room - including the bully.  Remember the original study that started this blog?  Bullies and the bullied have a lot in common - low self-esteem, marginalization by their peers, lack of support.  What have you done today to stop bullying?

Preparing Students for the Future

As we start a new year, we should once again review the purpose of education.  One common purpose is to prepare students for the future.  Let's take a brief look at the current economy.  In Canada we seem to be following a trend of limited manufacturing (How could we possibly compete with the low wages of workers in India, Mexico, and China?), lots of natural resources and a huge growth in small businesses and service industries.  Just look around your neighbourhood and count the number of small spas, yoga studios, photographers, artists, cleaning services, daycares, website designers, graphic artists, electricians, business coaches, experts of many kinds, and many other services that did not even exist ten years ago.    The future is the property of the entrepreneur.

How are we preparing our children?  What are the skills that they will need?  Let's ask an entrepreneur.  I'm sure you know at least one.  First, they must be able to think outside the box.  They must have the organizational skills to put together all the pieces to make a business successful.  Many unsuccessful businesses happen because the passion is not coupled with the details.  Business plans, finances, market research - all necessary.  They must have the self-confidence to believe that they can succeed.  Without that, there is no sense to even begin!  They must be critical thinkers, be able to look at an idea from all sides and see the advantages and potential weaknesses.  They must have learned that failure is as necessary to success as falling down is necessary when learning to walk.  They must have the confidence to deal with failure and move on.  They must be empathetic so they can imagine what their clients will want.  They need to have strong interpersonal skills to deal with customers and employees.  They need to be firm in their convictions and respectful of others.



For your New Year's Resolution - why not give your children the education that they deserve?

No Room Left for Bullying

Mother Teresa: "I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there".  (Thanks, Janice, for this quote.)

Recently there has been a lot in the news and on line about bullying.  I have remained silent.  There is so much anger and aggression aimed at children.  I am not talking about the bullying victims.  I am talking about the adults responding to these incidents.  Somehow people seem to think that if we call someone a bully, we have turned them into a monster worthy of our anger and hate.  I cannot forget that bullies are children, too.  It wasn't until a friend posted the above quotation that I realized why I have been so hesitant to join in the fray.  I cannot support an anti-bullying policy.  I will whole-heartedly support a policy which eliminates bullying through all inclusion.

Bullying is omnipresent, as many have noted.  It exists at home, in schools, at work.  Bullying is used because it works.  It gives the bully two things every child craves - attention and power.   The goal of any environment should be to give these to all children without them having to resort to other means.  In a school which celebrates differences, there is no one left out - no one to be a potential victim - no one feeling the need to lower others in order to feel valued.  

Before we go any further, let me make one thing clear.  I am completely opposed to anti-discrimination policies which want to emphasize how we are all the same.  That quickly turns us into the automatons of "A Brave New World".  BEING EQUAL DOES NOT MEAN BEING THE SAME!  Sorry for the yelling but I am so tired of hearing people espousing how similar we are.  That completely defeats the point.  We need to glorify in our differences, our uniqueness.  Policies which celebrate other races but neglect to say that "caucasian" is also a race are still separating.  I, too, as a WASP would like to share my cultural dances and foods.  If I don't, them I am once again the "dominant race".   We need to be treated equally.  Sorry for that digression but I need to say it as many times as I can!

Our whole economic society is based on competition.  One of the first questions that a business is asked is "Who is your competition?"  We raise our children to be the best.  That is fine as long as they are compared only to themselves.  Otherwise they are being judged with respect to others.  That is the foundation of "not belonging".  We live in a society which considers, particularly for young people, belonging to be the latest craze or fad.  "Coolness" or "hot", depending on your generation, is determined by tv shows, celebrities, ads, essentially marketing firms trying to have the next big craze.  Shoes, jewelry, haircuts, clothes, games, language, and a million more etcs.  These make you "in".  Without them you are "out" and the "outs" are the breeding ground for both bullies and the bullied.  Why do we let marketers have such a profound effect on our children?  Why can't we teach them to be critical thinkers?